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okay, so I'm full of pancakes - breakfast from the diner downstairs - yum!   
11:37am 06/05/2004
 
mood: indescribable
not like i haven't updated in about two months - i think Jenn should get the #1 Diva Award for being the most faithful updater of us all. Anyway, things have been, as usual, completely insane around here.

insanity point #1 - alfred is getting married in ONE WEEK (+2 days)!!! Saturday May 15. Do I have a dress yet for the wedding? No, I do not. Helpfully, my dad suggested that I just wear the same dress as for the rehearsal dinner. Silly, silly man! i'm thinking something in pink silk. we're supposed to stick to pastels, so that the pictures all "harmonize" (according to future mom-in-law Claudia).

insanity point #2 - my twin cousins, their sister Daina, Kika and I will all be staying in my studio apartment for almost an entire week during the wedding festivities. Eeep! That's five people in about 500 square feet. one of us ain't coming out alive. The twins get here on Tuesday night, Kika comes in from Baton Rouge on Wednesday, and Daina gets here Friday. Then Kika leaves Sunday night and everybody else leaves Tuesday. And I get a drink. Or 12. Actually I'm really looking forward to all the madness. it should be fun.

insanity point #3 - my neighbor, Vicki, and her husband Brad have decided to file a claim on our homeowner's insurance (and possibly sue my mom) because Vicki fell down on our property and broke her wrist two weeks ago. The insurance company investigated and found it to be a complete accident, without any negligence or blame on our part, but Brad is a liability lawyer and clearly sees this as an opportunity to try to get "free" money. He keeps telling us that this is action against our insurance company, not us (classic trial lawyer line!) but it's been really upsetting, obviously, for my mom and my whole family. We are not going to get involved in helping them commit insurance fraud, and clearly the insurance company is not going to take a hit on payouts without somehow passing that cost on to my mom through higher premiums or dropping her or whatever. So that's been unpleasant. I'm not too worried about it, b/c the insurance people determined very clearly that there was absolutely no negligence on our part - basically, she tripped when she was trying to climb over a bag that she had just seen us put down on the sidewalk - but obviously the possibility of having to testify in court against people who at one time we were really close with is not a fun prospect. Cross your fingers that they come to their senses and decide to drop this foolishness.

there were more insanity points, but i can't really remember them. oh yeah, kika failed the bar (AGAIN!) so that was really hard. she found out at the beginning of april. actually she wasn't as upset as I thought she would be, and she's already planning to take it for the third time in July. We figured out what the problem was - she wasn't studying the old tests enough (really, not at all), so remember that, all you current and future bar-takers! Study the old tests! HOpefully she will do that this time and crush it.

Work has been good - i got a promotion, bonus, and 25% raise. woot! however, did you know that the feds tax bonuses at 35%? not-so-woot.

there have been various moments of excitement recently where i met interesting and/or cute new guys and got my hopes up briefly, only to have them crushed to find out that said guys were gay/engaged/stalkers-in-training/not interested in me. sigh. Last weekend at Jazz Fest I talked with Dave Pirner, though, (the love of my life/former lead singer for Soul Asylum), and he sang a few lines of my favorite song for me, so that was cool. I shall marry him posthaste. You shall all be bridesmaids and wear old concert t-shirts with ripped jeans to my wedding. hee hee.

speaking of, someone else has a wedding coming up!!! I was so excited to read about the dress you found, Jen! So here's my idea - we need to pick a weekend and y'all need to come down to New Orleans for a pre-bachelorette party! (Clearly, we're going to spend the entire next year having bachelorette parties in various locations, so this will simply be the inaugural one). If we've only got a weekend, we can chill out in the city, or if there's a longer time, we can rent a house on the beach in Florida for a couple of days, but it needs to happen! whaddaya think?
 
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it's carnival time and the mood is right....   
02:32pm 20/02/2004
 
mood: groggy
so the parade was surreal, guys. As David Rizzo once wisely remarked, It's sort of like being a combination of a rock star and Jesus. People literally go insane. And my fellow riders kept assuring me that we were seeing only part of the whole spectacle since we were on the last float and some people had already left the parade by the time we got to them. But I'm having a hard time understanding how it could have been any crazier, unless people just started having spontaneous heart attacks on the side of the street. The tourists were so much fun to throw to since they were thrilled with whatever they caught, even if it was just the plastic bag that the beads had been wrapped in. And the locals were cracking me up because they would come up to the floats with specific bead requests and shun any alternatives that you tried to pawn off on them. I can't tell you how many men (both cute and non-cute) told me how beautiful I am and offered to perform various activities (some X-rated) for beads. Of course, I shamelessly egged them on and then didn't throw them anything. *wink*

I tried to remember to take pictures, but it was hard amidst the madness. I did get some, esp of my crazy costume - i plan to wear the giant frizzy blonde mermaid wig at all important occasions from now on. hopefully the ones of the float and crowds will come out, but they really don't like us to take pics once the parade starts since our job then is to throw as much as possible to our subjects. The entire parade probably took about four hours. There was a huge pre-party and post-party, which were both fun as well. So, all told, I spent from 2 p.m. to midnight in total Mardi Gras overload. I managed to save some throws for you guys, so watch your mailboxes.... ;)

For those of you who heard about it, the shooting was not anywhere near my float. It occurred towards the front of the parade and seems to have been some kind of gang turf thing. It was really shocking since until now, parades and mardi gras have usually been a time when even the thugs call a temporary truce. They immediately arrested the guys responsible, but that doesn't help the poor lady who died and the other three who got hurt. And of course they were all innocent bystanders, which again shows the ultimate unfairness of these things. (btw Jen, thanks for your message and I'm sorry you were worried.) I'm fine - nobody in the parade got hurt.
So that sort of put a pall on the whole thing, but hopefully they'll make an example out of these guys and prevent any other acts like this from ever happening again.

As for now, I'm finishing up work and heading out to a parade tonight, a huge all-day parade tomorrow (my favorite one which rolls right near my apartment) and then who knows what else on Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. We're off work until wednesday so I'm ready for the vacation! Happy Mardi Gras, y'all!
 
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just call me SEX GODDESS   
09:09pm 09/02/2004
 
mood: flirty
From: Dalia Girgis
Subject: Re: Hi
To: Irena Politzer

hey,
just wanted to let you know that both brett and his roomate thought that you were the nicest "friend of a friend" that they had ever met. They thought you were really cool and they enjoyed conversating w/you. Seems like you made a good impression for brett to be commenting about it. anyway, just thought i'd let you know. if you want to do lunch at some point soon, let me know,
d


SCORE!!!!!!

A brief backgrounder may be in order -
"Irena Politzer" - aka Rena - our fearless heroine, navigating the minefields of single-dom with pluck and courage
"Dalia Girgis" - her high-school friend with whom she went out last friday night, expecting it to be fairly low-key and boring. How quickly things changed.
"Brett" - Dalia's friend and lab partner who Rena set her sights on from the moment she walked in the bar, due to his above-average cuteness (in a slightly Christian Slater-ish manner) and cynical, weird sense of humor (you know how that gets her every time)
"Brett's Roomate" - aka Brian - the unwitting pawn in Rena's ploy to snag Brett's attention, although she soon discovered that Brian really was a nice and funny dude, too. Too bad he's bald and 35.

What will the future hold for Rena and Brett? As he works in the LSU Med School, two blocks away from Rena, one can picture cozy little lunches at the corner McDonalds, or maybe even a little tete-a-tete at the Vietnamese restaurant with the cashier who has tuberculosis.

We'll ignore for the moment that Brett might only be interested in Rena in a platonic friendship kind of way. We prefer to focus on the sex goddess potentiality of the whole situation.
 
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home doing work on a saturday night - boo :(   
10:06pm 31/01/2004
  taking a break from hellish work to do fairly amusing quiz forwarded by equally-procrastinating cousin:

FOREIGNER ALIAS = Favorite Spice + Last Foreign Vacation Spot:

Saffron Prague

SOCIALITE ALIAS = Silliest Childhood Nickname + Town Where You First Partied:

Doodlebug Elka Park

"FLY GIRL" ALIAS (a la J. Lo) = First Initial + First Two or Three Letters of Your Last Name:

R. Po

ROCK STAR ALIAS: = Any Liquid on the Bar + Last Name of Bad-Ass Celeb:

Jaiger Depp

DIVA ALIAS: = Something Sweet Within Sight + Any Liquid in Kitchen:

Cookie Brandy

GIRL DETECTIVE ALIAS: = Favorite Baby Animal + Where You Last Went To School:

Cub Georgetown

BARFLY ALIAS = Last Snack Food You Ate + Your Favorite Drink:

Pringle Margarita

SOAP OPERA ALIAS = Middle Name + Street Where You First Lived:

Edita Bancroft
 
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Working hard or hardly working????   
10:38am 22/01/2004
 
mood: excited
Is it bad that I've been at work for 1 hour and 39 minutes, and as of this moment I have done absolutely no work? It doesn't feel bad, in fact it's kind of fun, but there's this lingering guilt. Damn that Protestant work ethic!!!

Anyway, the exciting news for the day is that I'm going to ride in a parade this Mardi Gras! Woot woot! It's called Muses - it's an all-women krewe and my boss and a bunch of her friends ride in it every year. One of their people has to go out of town so they needed a sub. I'm so pumped!!!! It costs a fair amount of money but since I apparently think I'm a baller already w/ the credit card debt, I figure another $1200 shouldn't hurt too bad. They've only been around about three years but they are definitely one of the funnest parades to attend b/c they throw a ton and always have really clever floats and themes. So I'm betting that riding with them will be a riot.
I'll have to send you all little packages of beads,etc. Maybe I can convince your mailmen to throw them to you, like a little mini-parade.
 
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It's 5 o'clock somewhere...   
04:43pm 07/01/2004
 
mood: hyper
what up chicas? Sitting here waiting for quitting time, figured I'd update whilst I procrastinate.

Holidays were lovely - hope all of y'alls were as well. Abigail and Michael (Kika's boyfriend) came over for Christmas Eve, which is like the only holiday that actually means something to the Politzers in that we have some hard-and-fast traditions for it. And that ended up being really nice. It's always a cool surprise when adding people to your funky family traditions actually ends up making them better. You heard it here first - I'm predicting Kika and Michael will be engaged by this time next Christmas. They are definitely moving in that direction. Which would be great - get her off our hands. ;)

I actually partied like a rock star for most of the vacation. Spent WAY too much time out one night with my former high school flame Brandon. Nothing too shameful happened, but for some reason we both remain attracted to each other despite the fact that we KNOW we don't suit each other. go figure.

On New Year's Eve my friend Noelle and I went down to the Quarter, which was SO much fun. We went to a free concert by the river (FYI, my new favorite band is called Big Sam's Funky Nation), saw the fireworks show, and then proceeded to lean against a pole on Bourbon Street for lit'rally 3 hours - just drinking frozen hurricanes and laughing at the tourists. Then we were back down there a few nights later to laugh at the Oklahoma fans who came down for the Sugar Bowl. Normally I hate LSU due to the soul-sucking rivalry between Tulane and LSU in baseball, but I had to cheer for them in the Sugar Bowl. It was such a good time, and such a great game.

Now i'm prepping to leave for Naples, Florida on Friday for work. Sure, I promise I'll go to the conference and not spend all my time on the beach. And if you believe that, I've got a bridge I want to sell you. I'm there till Tuesday, and I plan to have a massive cancer tan by the time I get back.

Work stuff is still all up in the air - I've got a few interviews lined up for when I get back, I'm waiting to hear from a few other people I contacted at the Legislature, and I just gave my boss, as per her request, the "ideal" job description that she could use to entice me to stay at Tulane for a while longer. Did it include a $15,000 raise? Why yes, it did. We'll see if they actually pony up or if all her talk about not wanting to lose me was just that. Personally, I'm hoping to get a position as a Legislative Analyst in Baton Rouge, but I would hate leaving my apartment. So I'm just keeping it loose, waiting to see what happens.

peace out, chicas. (And a special shout-out to our newly-engaged chica, who I was so excited to talk with the other day! Jenn, I saw a great wedding gown the other day that I wanted to tell you about - it had a miniskirt and peacock feathers everywhere! you would love it! hee hee)
 
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Almost excessive Christmas cheer   
09:27am 22/12/2003
 
mood: cheerful
So I have to join Anna in total admiration for those of you who already mailed out your packages. As for me, there are allegedly 12 days of Christmas and you KNOW I'm going to need every last one of them to get my cards and gifts out. Which is not to say that I am not awash in Christmas cheer. In fact, for some reason I find myself unable to turn away from the All-Christmas-Carols, All-the-Time radio station. Even when they play the really crappy carols re-made by really crappy singers - like O-town singing The Color of Christmas. blech.

Anyhoo, this weekend was our Christmas tea, to which my friend Mandie came with her unbelievably adorable 2-month old baby. Awwww. A bunch of my friends came and we spent the entire time stuffing our faces. Very little tea was actually drunk - we left that for my mom and the oldsters. I prefer not to fill up my stomach with tea when there is rum cake to be had instead. Afterwards we laid around the living room in various stages of sated sloth-dom, and then Sarah Casey and I went to see the most ghetto Living Nativity that ever was. The girl playing Mary was wearing big ole bling-bling jewelry and Joseph had a tattoo on his face. Instead of arriving on a donkey, I half-expected them to arrive in a hooped-out Lincoln Navigator.

Then last night Margi and I sang Christmas carols in Jackson Square in front of St. Louis Cathedral with about 10,000 other happy New Orleanians. It was mad fun. The guy leading the carols was seriously on speed , so we'd go through Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer at like Mach 3, and then he'd yell "Let's do it again!" And since we were in the heart of the French Quarter, he was of course gay. So everything was said in this hysterical way, and he would do these crazy Hollywood endings to the songs - like going up into his upper register in an apparent attempt to be Little Richard. And then I started setting things on fire with my candle. It was much fun.

Now it's back to work for two days and then off! Off for 10 whole days!!! God love Tulane's new holiday break schedule
 
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Pretty much clueless   
08:48am 12/12/2003
 
mood: hopeful
So, much has happened in my so-called life lately. I talked to my best friend Toby Hills-Credle at the GMAT Board yesterday and she said that they have dropped the inquiry into my scores - meaning that all is well and they won't be cancelled. As Alfred said when I told him the good news - HELL YEAH! As a side note, what the hell kind of name is Toby Hills-Credle???? Have you ever known a woman named Toby??? I think she goes around starting shit w/ people's scores to make up for her own personal angst about being stuck with such a name... or maybe I'm just bitter. Anyway, suffice it to say that I have learned my lesson from this - when you take the GMAT, you are expected to read, memorize and live each of the 47,000 regulations in their sign-up packet. Take it as one to grow on from me. I'm just uber glad that all ended well with that.

Also, had conversation with current boss (sharon) re: looking for new job. Went better than expected. Starting to send out resumes, etc. Much fun? Not really. But hopefully will result in fabulous new position at State Legislature or w/ a campaign, which ideally will allow me to directly observe the political shenanigans without requiring me to get involved with them, or really, do any work at all. I think that's a reasonable goal, don't you? Sharon said that they're going to try to put together a "nice incentive package" to get me to stay at Tulane, for at least a little while longer, so we'll see what that looks like. I'm not totally ruling it out b/c if I stayed I would have more time to research/apply to grad schools for 2006.

Going Christmas caroling from canoes this weekend on Bayou St. John. Also going to watch the Saints lose to the NY Giants on Sunday night w/ Alfred. I just realized that these next three games are the last home games of the season, and the last season that he and I will have seasons tickets together, since next year he'll be in Atlanta. Sure, we'll probably go to some games together here or there, but it won't be the same. We've had seasons tickets for the past three years. :-(
 
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yeeooowww, winter's here   
03:39pm 03/12/2003
 
mood: cold
Okay, I got back from Thibodaux yesterday and it is like 1 degree outside. Frrrrreezing. And we went this morning to buy the Christmas tree and my mom wanted to look at approximately 7,342 trees before making a decision and I was standing there trying to hold them all up whilst feeling my internal organs congeal from the cold. Just wanted to give you all that fun mental picture....

Anyway, this past week and a half has been so insane, there's material for approximately 48 posts. However, I will try to condense it into one. here goes.

So, after I got back from Arkansas, I sat down to do business school applications and I basically had a deep introspective what-the-hell-am-I-doing experience while sitting in the University computer lab. (Ka-learly my crappy-ass DSL in my apartment wasn't working so I had to be doing this in the UNO computer lab, since God decided that nothing should go smoothly for me this week.)
And I was sitting there, speed-reading through the Columbia application to find out how I was supposed to handle references and such, when I realized that is just not a good idea - it's not the way I want to handle my choice of grad schools. Basically it came down to a time issue - applications are due January 8, work has been CRAZY busy and only now calming down, I would have roughly 18 essays to write in that time period, as well as references to ask for, and I haven't visited any of the schools except Harvard, which they apparently really want you to do based on their application questions. And actually I think it's a really good idea to visit the schools prior, because each one of them has such different feel and focus. And I was just basing my decisions off of the US News and World Report rankings, which I realized was a really stupid idea. And then I realized that I'm not even 100% sure that I want an MBA, versus an MPA (Masters of Public Administration) or an MPP (Masters of Public Policy). It's like, I know what basic area I want to go into, but I need more time to decide on the exact degree program and research/visit the schools. So I decided to hold off another year on the applications, but, since I am starting to loathe Tulane and my boss, to look for another job, preferably in the State Legislature. I have some good applications in, so keep your fingers crossed.

So, decision made to hold off. Which turned out to be fortuitous, because the GMAT testing people sent me a letter about two days later saying that they're thinking about canceling my scores because I was wearing a digital watch during the essay portion of the test. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
see, the way it went down was, there are three parts to the test - the essay, the math and then the verbal. So I was just wearing my regular watch (which happens to be digital), not knowing that they aren't allowed. And before the test, they went through this whole long harangue about banned items, and listed like 15 things and never mentioned watches. So I happily start the test, and when I am signing out for the break between the essay and the math, the proctor says, "Oh, you can't wear that watch in the test room, but you can just leave it with me." So I do, and proceed back into the room to take the rest of the test. And never once do they mention that this might be a problem or that they might CANCEL my scores. Cause clearly I wouldn't have even wasted my time taking the rest of the test if I had known that might be the case. So I get this letter, and they ask me to send a reply laying out my side of the story, so I do - telling them about how I only wore it for the essay (since they probably are most worried about people wearing those wrist-computers during the math), and that it didn't have an alarm or anything that would bother other test-takers, etc. So now I'm waiting on their decision. I have to be pretty philosophical about it, because it is my fault - I didn't read the 18 page 10-point type rule book that they sent me closely enough. And I know that I wasn't cheating or trying to cheat, but they don't know that. And at least this happened after I made the decision to hold off on the applications, cause if I was still trying to get those in for Jan 8 and my scores were in jeopardy, I'd be flipping out right now. yet, it still seems like the fates are laughing at me sometimes.

Finally, the business trip from hell to thibodaux. but that warrants the least attention, because
a) it's over
b) it's for poopy Tulane that I don't care about any more anyway
c) it's over
d) i didn't kill anyone, even though i was sorely tempted on several occasions

So that's what's been occupying my life about now. Thanksgiving was great and I went hiking with Noelle the weekend after, so that was a fun interlude in the midst of the madness. I have Monday off - hallelujah! so i'm looking forward to some peace and quiet. We'll see if that actually occurs. laters....
 
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hello freeeeends   
09:17am 24/11/2003
 
mood: pessimistic
yeeeeeeah, basically the next week is going to SUCK. Huge meeting next wednesday for the hell-beast project that i hate with a passion and somehow got stuck with. the meeting will last from wed to fri and i'm going to cry before it's over. Billy Tauzin (our sugar-daddy in congress, for whom this project is his baby) may or may not come down for it, and there may or may not be any people in the audience at the meetings because they may or may not care. the only certainties are that it was insane for them to want to hold this the week after Thanksgiving, when it is impossible to plan b/c everyone's out, AND if all goes to hell, Rena will get blamed. boo.

on the upside, i spent the weekend in Arkansas with Kika visiting her best friend Laura and her husband, and we went to their cabin by the prettiest lake you ever did see, and we went rockclimbing and hiking and made shish-kebabs (no idea how to spell that) and for at least a weekend I was able to put the stress of work and b-school applications (on which i have still done nothing) behind me. But that's basically the last fun I'll have until January 8, whence this stupid meeting and the stupid applications for the stupid schools that I don't even feel like going to anymore will be turned in. ugh.
 
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late NIGHT, come home, work SUCKS, i know   
01:59pm 17/11/2003
 
mood: confused
Went to the Saints game yesterday - they WON, finally. Spent the entire time teasing alfred about how he'll have to become an Atlanta fan now that he and Abby-snail are moving to ATL. Met up w/ Noelle and Donald afterwards for drinks - they have finally ended their quasi-relationship (read:sex) and are now good friends in that slightly-weird way that always comes after you've seen someone naked. Not that I've seen that many people naked, mind you. Other than the usual during Mardi Gras.

Anyway, returning to my point. Oh yeah, so my elation at discovering that they're no longer together was tempered by finding out that he's dating some chick up in Baton Rouge. Boo. Hiss. On the upside, Noelle and I made plans to go camping the weekend after Thanksgiving.

LSU won a big game on Sat night and Kathleen Blanco got elected LA's first woman governor on Sat night - the Sunday papers were clearly in a quandary over which headline should go above the fold. Go Kathleen, woot woot! hopefully she'll do a better job than our last governor, who literally spent most of his time at his duck camp and, on the few times that he really got involved in legislation, it was always about whether the state could mandate motorcycle helmets. my god. I mean, our state is last in about every economic ranking, and he's worried about helmet-hair.

Downloaded some B-School applications yesterday - gulp! They're like 30 pages long, y'all, and with no less than 6 essays each. I'm going to give it a shot but I'm starting to think I might have to wait until next year to apply - they tell me it's best to get it in by the second round of applications and work is so hectic for the next few weeks that I don't know if that's going to be possible. we'll see.
 
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The GMAT's over, la la la   
01:32pm 11/11/2003
 
mood: jubilant
In case you were wondering, that's the first line of The GMAT Song, which I composed last night. It goes like this -
"The GMAT's over, la la la
It's finally over, la la la
And I kicked its booty, la la la
La la la la la la la"

Yes indeedy. Through some kind of massive computer error, I scored a 760. Harvard's average is a 705 and UPenn's is a 710. So it is looking good for my efforts to scam my way into a top B-school. (This still doesn't guarantee admittance or anything, since most of the other applicants to the top schools are going to be like former ambassadors and shit like that. But at least this will ensure that my application isn't laughed at prior to being rejected.)

Let's see, what else is going on. Oh, the moonlight canoe trip on Sat night was really cool. I don't know if any of y'all made it outside to watch any of the eclipse that evening - you probably got an even better show up North than we did. The funnest part of all was trying to canoe out of the swamp in the total darkness. Our trip leader didn't want us to use our flashlights b/c it would "spoil the ambiance" of the swamp experience. But my friend Jerry and I were like, "Um, blood dripping down our faces from canoeing directly into a tree would also destroy the ambiance." So we compromised by only using the flashlight in times of dire need. Much fun, indeed.
 
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It's down to 70 degrees here - could winter actually be coming???   
02:40pm 07/11/2003
 
mood: cold
A super-fun day in the life of Rena is when she is sitting at an uber-boring conference about Homeland Security, thinking about how whenever anybody says the word "Homeland" it makes her want to break out the clogs and start doing folk dances, and then all of a sudden, one of the multitudes of vastly important legislators and state officials at the conference says something about how Tulane is the Great Satan because of various ills he thinks the University has committed, and all of a sudden, everybody in the conference turns and stares at Rena and they all start attacking her about how much the University sucks. And instead of cogently and intelligently laying out the reasons the University undertook the actions in question, Rena makes a noise like this, "Blughck."

Yep.

That's a suuuuuper fun day.

But moving right along, I'm going canoeing on Saturday night and it's supposed to be a full moon with a lunar eclipse while we're out there. So that should be fun. And Kika is convinced that I'm going to get raped during the 15 seconds that we'll be in total darkness in the middle of the swamp during the lunar eclipse. bwa ha ha. It's even funner to get her all riled up.

I take the GMAT Monday morning, so cross your fingers for me. It's one of those wretched Computer Adaptive Tests, but at least you get your scores right away instead of having to wait for them. I've already arranged to go out to lunch with one of my friends right after - that way if it's good it can be a celebratory lunch, and if it's bad I can just start injecting the alcohol into my bloodstream as quickly as possible.

When the funk are we going to get the rest of the divas on here?
 
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the first post.....   
09:11am 05/11/2003
 
mood: hungry
A few lists which may be of interest to you (or may not):

GUYS WHO I HAVE TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE CRUSHES ON:

1. Rubilee, the incredibly adorable kid in my ESL class. But he's freaking 18, you guys!!! That's such cradle-robbing - at least Sarah's guy is legal! I promise not to act on the attraction, I swear, but you gotta at least let me admire the goods. And, as a bonus, he hardly speaks any English, which would make our relationship flow so smoothly.....

2. Donald, my friend Noelle's former boyfriend. This one is SO off-limits, cause Noelle is one of my best girls, and she's totally still hung up on him so it would be total hara-kiri to our friendship to even go there. BUT, he's cute and he's smart and funny. *sigh*

3. Nate, my GMAT teacher. He's married, of cos, so it's a no go. But he is so funny, in a kind of restrained way. And he thought I was funny too. Which is not always the case - I'm really used to people giving that nervous little twitter when I make a joke, like they don't really think it's funny but they want to throw me a bone in case I'm a homicidal maniac who will kill them if they don't acknowledge my attempts at humor.

GUYS WHO HAVE TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE CRUSHES ON ME:
1. Jose, the SCARY-ASS kid in my ESL class who wears his hair in this ghetto mohawk thingie and asked me at the end of last class how you ask a girl out. And I was very scared indeed.
2. Udiel, the cute kid in my ESL class who left a bouquet of roses on my car after the last class along with a note saying that he loves me. Which he must have transcribed from somewhere else cause he surely can't speak English that well, much less write it.
*Note the pathetic fact that the only people who have crushes on me are strangers from a foreign land who don't know anyone here and don't speak the language. They would probably develop a crush on an orangutan if it were nice to them.*

GUYS WHO I HAVE CRUSHES ON AND THERE IS TECHNICALLY NO REASON THAT WE SHOULDN'T DATE EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT I'M A TOTAL WEENIE:
1. Josh, the guy who works downstairs. He's SO CUTE and he's my age and he just happens to have broken up with his fiancee recently (i swear I had nothing to do with it). And occasionally we see each other by the elevator and we always joke around (major triumph for me, as usually my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth in the presence of hot boys). BUT, he was at the fundraiser the other night with a total slut-machine girl, my sources tell me, and so I fear that there is no hope for me. Besides, I haven't seen him by the elevators in a long time, and his office is such that I can't really "pop on by" to see him.

2. Alan, Mick's best friend from high school. Ran into him at the Saints game a few weeks ago and when he hugged me hello I was like "Zing!" But alas, we parted ways before I could say, "Hey, since Mick is engaged and all, dontcha think it would be ok for you to call me?" He's total bayou trash but something about his bandanna appeals to me.

GUYS WHO THERE ACTUALLY IS SOME HOPE OF ME DATING:
1. Steve, the guy at Kika's work who she is allegedly setting me up with. Although I'm getting the vibe that she would rather be the one going out with him.

2. Chris Fuller, David Rizzo's friend who allegedly likes me. We hung out at the Halloween party last Friday and afterwards at the Gold Mine in the Quarter. It was fun but he's a total man-pimp, you guys. I don't know....

That's all folks. My paltry, pathetic romantic life. Laid out in black and white for the world to see. I promise that future posts won't be so Sex in the City-esque.
 
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